Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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