Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
