You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
