there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I need a beard to bite.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
