We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
