Apparently you make a good broom.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
