wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
