wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
