and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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