If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
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