I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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