I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
