Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
