I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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