How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
