You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
