Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
as a side note pls kill me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
