he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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