No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
