i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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