so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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