is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
