Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
