Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
