walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
