did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
