no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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