Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
