I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
