I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
