I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
