toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
