I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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