he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
