Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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