I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
