Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Semen is not good for contacts.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
