JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just found a bag of teeth...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
