Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
