I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
there was a trapeze. enough said
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
