8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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