all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
