Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
