So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
