Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
