ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
