she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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