Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you win again, gameday.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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