It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
