Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
