you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
